Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
