his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
