I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
