well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
