So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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