my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
don't judge my taste in strippers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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