Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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