YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
