I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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