But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
