I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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