I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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