you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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