I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
