are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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