Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
