i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
