You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
