haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
