I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
