I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
