My hand turned me down
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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