im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
