she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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