She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
