LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
