There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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