I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
