Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize