I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
