And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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