She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize