I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
