hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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