I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
