In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
