He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, beer. Big fan.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
