Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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