He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
