Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
