I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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