I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
