he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
