your thong is hanging out like whoa
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
