Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
