Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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