aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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