come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
