So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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