these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
