i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
