i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
