i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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