my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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