Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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