just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
