This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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